For My Adam

Remember?

Once upon a time there lived three little pigs, a mommy pig, a daddy pig, and a poopy pig. One day these three piggses decided to make a tow cow for eating when they get to be hungry for eating. So they started for the making of the toy cows and had lots of fun. The end.

Then the toy cows came to life and started eating the pigs. They started with the daddy pig (Medium Rare) then the mommy pig (well) then went to the little poopy pig and thus saith the Cow it was bad so they stuffed him in a dumpster and let the fisherman sit on the lake. The end.

So now we have a group of toy cows that are roaming around the city and causing havoc hither and thither. So the mayor of the town calls Batman for help but he is out on vacation. Fortunately, Batman recommends one of his good friends, so the mayor gives the friend a ring and it is Superman. Superman explains that he has a deathly fear of cows, but it is even worse if they are toy cows come to life (I mean seriously, that would be pretty scary and they eat pigs). So Superman refers the mayor to a local butcher that deals with dead cows all day, a little different than a live cow but it still works. The End.

The Mayor who is actually the alter ego of Indiana Jones gets his butcher knife and chases the once toy now real live cows down the street and realizes that this is much like the story of Pinocchio and decides the best way to get rid of them is to make them lie because things happen. Although on the surface this seems like a logical Idea when the cows start lying their tails grow and they start destroying the village building by building. by this time they have to bring in the national guard but too bad they are all in Iraq so oops then Indiana Jones who now realizes he's only Harrison ford calls his good friend Adam Turney to kill the cows and Adam says ok I'll kills them with my super powers the end.

So Adam, being the incredibly sexy beast that he is, use his power to destroy all the kows. Everyone came out of their houses to celebrate the destruction of their town and the kows and a parade began. But before everything could become something more there was a scream heard from the top of a sky scraper. Everyone looked up and it was the evilest kow leader and he had Melissa in his hooves. He was threatening to drop her if his demands weren't meant. So the bargaining began. The kow just wanted to be able to make chocolate milk but he also knew that it was genetically impossible to turn a strawberry kow into a chocolate one...so this presented a predicament for the super hero Adam. But he had an idea. A huge tub of chocolate syrup was brought out and set at the bottom of the building for the cow to jump into and he would absorb the chocolate into him in hopes of eliminating the girly pink in him. Then things turned to the worst and the cow dropped Melissa. Immediately Adam went into action and ran up the side of the building, but his calculations were off and her momentum was too much and they both fell into the giant tub of chocolate. The end.

Fortunately for Melissa she was an excellent swimmer and knew her way around chocolate so she saved both their lives (Adam being from California thought he was immune to drowning but forgot that he didn't know how to swim) the cow turned into a chocolate cow and being a girl was able to appreciate the greatness of chocolate. Melissa and Adam sold the chocolate milk to all the towns people and Donald trump AND the president so they raked in over two hundred billion Jillian dollars. Not wanting to waste their good fortune they financed Bens mission so he would do the homework and quizzes and project so they could sleep in and never have to work again. Unfortunately the goodness of chocolate could not completely erase the demons in the Know the end.

The spirit of the evil Kows went up to heaven to speak to their overlord about getting some revenge on Adam and Melissa because they felt cheated of their share of the moneys. So the overlord decided it was only just to allow one of the evil spirits to return to earth and occupy the body of the first living organism it came in contact with. Excited at this great opportunity to prove itself the evil spirit hopped in its cloud mobile said farewell to its care bear friends and headed back down to the earth world. It was thinking of what type of organism it would occupy, a human would be ideal, as it would allow it to mix better with the other humans and take revenge on the terrible Melissa and Adam. Meanwhile, Adam and Melissa were kicking back in the pool. Adam was receiving swimming instructions from his good pal Ian Thorpe from Australia, and Melissa was thinking about something useful to do...I think she was working on a plan on how she was going to win Adam...but I can't read her mind so you will just have to use your imagination. The End.

While in the pool a great cloud descended upon the three swimmers/kicking backers and began to rain apparently it remembered they were in Rexburg and the sun is not supposed to shine but they realized they were in the hart building and it was strange. Evil Kow spirits sent by their overlord come to take over the first living organism it sees they both thought but not Ian Thorpe cause they didn't tell him the story. Annoyed at the disturbance of her thought process Melissa rolled her eyes and said to the guys "follow me" and they swam underneath the pool through the pipes but it was becoming difficult to breath so they decided they should breath more air. They ended up swimming into the pipes of none other than Kensington 201 and Melissa was like hey I live here and Adam was like nice couches and they all fell asleep knowing it was only a matter of time before the evil kows found where they were probably cause they were wet. The end

"Oh crap, we forgot Adam back at the pool," Melissa shouted underwater to the other swimmers. Back at the pool Adam was lying in the chair getting a tan and the evil spirit descended upon his resting body. Adam attempted to fight back internally but the overlord was giving the spirit extra powers. Adam was about to finish himself so as not to allow the kow spirit the great powers that he possesses (such as being a ladies man and saving the world, you know, lame stuff like that) but the kow would not allow it and Adam surrendered to the spirit. Adam was now Adam the Evil Kow, the most evilest evil person in the world. Melissa swam back to save Adam but obviously she didn't swim fast enough and the other guys that were with her didn't have enough oxygen and they drown. "Wow, nothing is going my way today," though Melissa as she looked back on the days events. Kow Adam left the vicinity and headed off to the evil forest to begin recruiting bad guys to aide him in taking over the world. Soon there would be the battle of Armageddon (not like the movie with Bruce Willis and that other guy). Melissa not knowing what to do and being a girl started to cry...the end.

when she finally stopped crying, Melissa decided she would donate plasma so that she could A) inject it into Adam (evil Kows are allergic to human plasma) and B) earn 20 bucks. So she ran off to the plasma center but it was too late...the evil Kow/boy Adam was hot on her trail. Her weakness was first putting on Clinique Happy heart because he knew her scent she ran as fast as she could and it was actually a lot faster than Adam cause he is kinda slow due to a strange scar on his foot acquired at toddler hood. The Kow didn't realize this when he chose Adam’s body. He just thought it was a good deal because Adam too possessed a dark side and his powers of being a ladies man and saving the world was just tempting.eventhough kows are ladies the end

"That is true, cows are ladies...boy cows are males...dang!" Evil Adam yelled as he realized that he was a female cow trapped in a mans body, and cows aren't even attracted to humans at all so it upped the badness of the whole situation even more. Now the evil Kow spirit wanted out of this horrid body that consumed it, but there was no taking back the gift of fake resurrection, the overlord would not stand for it (especially since Kows can't stand). "I guess I will just have to make the best of my situation. I am getting kinda hungry, where are some piggies?" Evil Adam set out on a journey for some yummy piggies. Melissa was running out of ideas so she rang Ben who was prepping for a mission and was full of good ideas. Ben decided that it would be a good ideas to trick Evil Adam into eating a Wholesome Pig that has special mystical powers inside and this might release the Evil Kow spirit from Adam. This was especially important because if Adam wasn't saved soon then he would end up failing his biology class and that just can't be, what good bio partners Adam has. So they headed off to the Piggy Factory that Evil Adam was slowly making his way to so they could setup the trap and save Adam's grades. The end.

Unfortunately the only purely perfect pig was a choice between Babe and Wilber. Being that they were both movie stars that had reached their peak they decided just to give up. since well Adam is a man/cow he can eat quite a lot and Ben and Melissa decided to freaken sacrifice two pigs. Adam suspected nothing as he approached the feast and tasting the wholesome pig was soothing to his soul and body. The more he ate the more the evil inside of him faded away. Meanwhile back at the ranch. Melissa and Ben were getting ready to open bens mission call, as his family disowned him for genetic reasons. so they opened the call "elder Benjamin Carl Decker you have been called to serve in the...the end.

"...In the end? What kind of mission call is that? I am serving in The End mission call, I don't get it!" Ben cried as he read his papers. Hmm, this presents and interesting revelation, very interesting indeed. This is obviously a sign from God that Ben is the only one that will ever be able to bring this whole dramatic saga to an end because that is where he will be serving. Perhaps it is Ben’s duty to take the evil spirit that has been flushed out of Adam to The End with him so that there are no more dramas. Perhaps Ben will even perform a great work for the cow that so desires to be free of his prison state, to be able to once again frolic in the fields with his other cow mates. But Ben was too stunned and confused by his weird calling to be able to see past the shock, so I guess we may have to wait a bit longer before this inspiration comes to him...until then lets see what George is up to. The End

So, where we last left off was with Benjamin Karl Decker contemplating his next two years. He had just gotten his mission call to the "End" mission of the "The" province, hence going to the The, End mission. He was trying to decide what this ment, and started remembering his philosophy class and their recent readings on relativism. He recalled one section about the, end. This mission, as the book called it, was comprised of the Southern Pacific Ocean, which coincedentally was located on the exact opposite side of the Earth from where Ben was currently located. As his friend, the early Adam Turney (early because he dieded during the proccess of evil Kow extrication, a proccess that even the most skilled of doctors would shudder at) once told him, the The pacific ocean is home to one of the most magical places on good old Mother Terra (mother earth). At first confused about the first part of the statement, Ben didn't quite remember the second part of the statement which for some reason he knew would be crucial to their current predicament. For the sake of saving the readers of a heart attack which was more than likely from the suspense, everyone lives happily ever after, and the magical place Ben couldn't remember was in fact australia, Adams desired fatherland, but against Ben's gut instinct, this place actually ended being COMPLETELY inconsequential this story.

Ben and MeLLissa were now faced with the dauniting task of somehow satiating this barbarous bloody beast and bringing back their biological lab comerade Adam. As we all know, Adam is the name of the first man ever to live on earth. Using this starting point, Ben started contemplating a solution. His thought was sooooo deep that Mellissa had lost her last lab partner (as his vital signs were barely noticeable and since she wasn't a nurse, she worried and cried. Cried more for Adam, because she would now never see him again, because Ben was his only hope, and she didn't really care about ben (we will now refer to him in lower case due to his inferior standing in the mind of MeLLissa) but only wanted him around to bring back her hunk of burning love, and one and only soul mate, Krusty Kow... oops... I mean Akow, NO!!!, KrustyDam, dangit!!! ADAM..... There we go...) and was now unvariably doomed to certain badgradedom because she didn't know how to properly fingerprint or measure calcium levels in various random substances. So now she had summoned all of the girls from her all of the sudden extremely hot ward, who were now busy cradling ben's head and stroking is arms and head affectionately (one of them looked remarkably like Callista, only she was hotter and really friendly, found ben attractive as well, etc. all in all, the girl of ben's dreams). Now with this massive influx of love, ben was able to summon the energy to complete the final calculations that would solve all their problems. All of the sudden, and to the astonishment of everyone present, expecially Callista lookalike, whom we will call Ali's sister, he woke up. ben then looked around and tried to find a pen or a hen, some kind of den, but then his eyes met with Ali's sister's, and the sparks flew!! They had never met before, but this was love at first sight in the most truest of senses. Because of this chance encounter and the obvious jubilation on their faces, the rest of MeLLissa's extremely hot ward (though still quite inferior to that of Ali's sister), were now downtrodden at the loss of the fair ben, and now hoped and prayed for the reinstitution of the practice of plural marriage (not polygamy, becasue that was never actually practiced by the church). So now MeLLissa was faced with a dire choice, break the love locked trance between ben and ali's sister (we will now also refer to her in lower case because for some blatant reason that she could not quite put her finger on, MeLLissa classed her with the lowly ben), or lose her on and only true love Adam (bold because he is soooo HOT). She thought, and after quite some deliberation came to the conclusion of saving Adam, so she plugged in the brain knowledge replicating device into ben's enormous brain, and found the knowledge necessary to save Adam. She must now take the Kow to The End, since ben was now a little preoccuppied. But as she was about to leave, ben called out and said that he must fulfil his mission, and return honorably so that he could have ali's sister forever. Knowing the incredible odds against (2085299145 to 1, which quite coincedentally is the same as his home phone number) ben left on his journey. He did not no why to take the Kow to The End, but he knew he must do it. He left and did that fighting sort of junk, saved the world a couple of times, and eventually won. When he got there, Kow started to feel some good vibrations. She looked at ben hopefully, but he, scared out of his mind, pointed down into the water where some Manitee like creatures were swimming, and as we all know, another word for Manitee is sea cow. So this was it!!! It was a herd of Sea Kows!!!!!! At this sight, Kow now forgot ben and MeLLissa and consequently Adam, but ben, being the noble being he is, called Kow back (since ben brought him here, he now had the command of all the Kow herd), and asked how to save the hunky Adam. Kow said it would not be easy, but would be quite hard and difficult. She said that ben must find Adam's one and only true love, and somehow convince her to give him a kiss, now comes the hard part, they must not make out until they are married!!!!! (otherwise the foundations of everything that exists will no longer exist, yada yada, so on and so forth) So eventually this happens, MeLLissa and Adam find a way to bridle their passions and wait, while ben returns honorably from his mission, (he ended up being transfered to the China, Beijing mission, and baptised like 100,000 people, not to mention the baptisms for the dead, which were at least 2 raised to the power of the number of people baptised) and every one lived happily ever after. :-) Or did they?!?!?!!?!?!
The end