Dear Carly: Tag You're IT!

Dear Carly Hirst,

I don't really know how to tell you this, but I’m joining the Convent. I think I realized it at the Elton John concert when I quoted Forest Gump and I saw you sit on my father. I'm sure you're ashamed enough to understand that Santa doesn't exist. I'm returning your toe ring to you, but I'll keep your book of poetry as a memory. You should also know that I am better off without you and you ruined my attempts at another world war and world domination

Best of luck on the sex change,

Melissa

NOW YOU, Pick a friend, any friend, choose the correct answers, and fill in the blanks in the message at the bottom. Tag them, See what they say. It's Funny!

1. What's the color of your shirt?Blue – our romance is overRed – our affair is overWhite – I’m joining the ConventBlack – I dislike your eyelashesGreen – our socks don't matchGrey – you're a pervertYellow – I'm selling myself for candyPink – your nostrils are insultingBrown – the mafia wants youNo shirt – you're meanOther – I'm in love with your cat (purple!!!)

2. Which is your birth month?January – that night you picked your noseFebruary – last year when you peed your pantsMarch – when your dwarf bit meApril – when I tripped on peanut butterMay – when I threw up in your sock drawerJune – when you punched me in the faceJuly – when you smacked my buttAugust – when I saw the purple monkeySeptember – when you farted in the bathtubOctober – when I quoted Forest GumpNovember – when your dog humped my legDecember – when I finally changed my underwear

3. Which food do you prefer? Tacos – in your apartmentLasagna – in your carPasta – outside of your officeHamburgers – under the busSalad – as you were eating Kraft DinnerChicken – in your closetKebab – with Jean ChrétienFish – in a clown suitSandwiches – at the Elton John concertPizza – at the mental hospitalHot dog – under a street lightOther – with George Bush and Stephen Harper

4. What's the color of your socks?Yellow – hit onRed – insultBlack – ignoreBlue – knock outPurple – pour syrup onWhite – carve your initials intoGrey – pull the clothes offBrown – put whipped cream onOrange – castratePink – pull the pants off ofBarefoot – sit onOther – drive over

5. What's the color of your underwear?Black – my boyfriendWhite – my fatherGrey – the Catholic PriestBrown – your ‘My Little Pony’ collectionPurple – my corned beef hashRed – my knee capsBlue – my salt-beef bucketYellow – my illegitimate child in GhanaOrange – my Blink 182 cdPink – the Montreal Canadian’s goalieNone – my prized statue of Michael Jackson in the nudeOther - the elephant in the corner

6. What do you prefer to watch on TV?Scrubs – manO.C. – emotionalOne Tree Hill – openHeroes – frostbittenLost – highHouse – slySimpsons – cowardlyThe news – scarredIdol – masochisticFamily Guy – senileTop Model – middle-classOther – ashamed

7. Your mood right now?Happy – how awful you areSad – how boring you areBored – that Santa doesn't existAngry – that your smell makes me vomitDepressed – that we’re relatedExcited – that I may pee my pantsNervous – the middle-east is planning their revenge on youWorried – that your car sucksApathetic – that you need a sex-changeAshamed – that I'm allergic to your earlobesCuddly – that I eat garbageSilly – that there is no solution to you being dumbOther – that your driving sucks

8. What's the color of your walls in your bedroom?White/Beige – your toe ringYellow – your love letters to meRed – your Elton John posterBlack – your pet rockBlue – the couch cushionsGreen – the pictures from VegasOrange – your false teethBrown – your nose hair clippersGrey – our matching snoopy underwearPurple – your New Kids on the Block blanketPink – the cut toenailsOther – your booger collection

9. The first letter of your first name?A/B – your photo with the mustache drawn on itC/D – the oil tank from your carE/F – your neighbor's dogG/H – my chastity beltI/J – the results of that blood-sampleK/L – your left earM/N – your book of poetryO/P – my common senseQ/R – your momS/T – your collection of butterfliesU/V – your criminal recordW/X – your glass eyeY/Z – your lock of hair

10. The last letter in your last name?A/B – told my psychiatrist about the bruisesC/D – never will forget that nightE/F – always wanted to break your legsG/H – hate your cookingI/J – mocked you behind your back constantlyK/L – will tell the authorities that you did not steal that whale in the back yardM/N – gave my confession today about the moose poachingO/P – was interviewed about the car you stoleQ/R – always will remember the pep talksS/T – get sick when I think of your feetU/V – will try to forget that you broke my heartW/X – haven’t showered in a monthY/Z – am better off without you

11. What do you prefer to drink?Soft drink – I’m off to lead a new life as a lemonCoffee – I will haunt you when I’m incarnated as an EskimoMilk – the apartment building is on fireWater – thanks for the cocaineCider – I have a passionate interest for miceJuice – you ruined my attempts at another world war and world dominationMineral water – you should get that embarrassing rash checkedHot Chocolate – your cucumber fetish is weirdBeer – I'm scratching my butt as you read thisWine – our friendship is ruinedHard Liquor – I love Oprah WinfreyOther – you should stop picking your nose

12. To which country would you prefer to go on a vacation?Thailand – Warm tingly sensationsAustralia – Best of luck on the sex changeFrance – Love alwaysSpain – Go drown yourselfChina – You make me sickGermany – Please don’t hurt meJapan – Go milk a cowGreece – Your everlasting enemyUSA – Greetings to your frog LeonardEgypt – Kiss my buttEngland – With tears of sadness

NOW ITS YOUR TURN!

Dear (_YOUR FRIEND'S NAME_),

I don't really know how to tell you this, but (_1_). I think I realized it (_2_), (_3_) and I saw you (_4_) (_5_).I'm sure you're (_6_) enough to understand (_7_).I'm returning (_8_) to you, but I'll keep (_9_) as a memory.You should also know that I (_10_) and (_11_).
(_12_),
(_YOUR NAME_)