Adam and I had so much fun on our first date that we kind of started hanging out. We didn't see each other for the rest of the weekend but that Tuesday after Bio Lab; Ben, Adam, and I went to the library to take our daily quiz on the lab we were working on. We would take the quiz, then the three of us would just hang out at the library...until Ben would leave. Then Adam would walk me back up to my apartment and we would just hang out and talk about everything and anything while laying out on my lawn. We were becoming best friends.
The weekend after our date, I had gone up to Aspen Village, his apartment complex where he lived, just down the street from me, to drop off a DVD and borrow some DVDs from him. He opened the door and I could hear he was listening to Michael Buble. I'd never heard of him before but Adam said he'd burn me a CD, that he was pretty good. We hung out on his porch for a while talking and listening to music when all of a sudden Adam just grabbed me and we started dancing. As we danced, he got closer and closer to me until our faces were almost touching. He told me he liked to play a game with the girls back home where he would see how close he could get to kissing them before they would pull away. Apparently they girls always chickened out. I am not a chicken. He was surprised to find that I wasn't pulling away and he ended up pulling away a couple times because he had never been in a situation where the girl wasn't running. We didn't kiss. We ended up making our way into his apartment where I could brows his DVDs we were sitting on the floor when he started to play The Game again. Even as I type this, I feel suuuper uncomfortable, thinking about what a strange, awkward thing it was. I hadn't been kissed in 6 months and as Rhett Butler says, "a woman should be kissed, and often, by someone who knows how." We for sure ended up kissing. The WHOLE time I was thinking about my missionary working hard in New York. I was distracted but I wasn't going to have him thinking I was a chicken.
I left his apartment feeling pretty random and slutty...with some DVDs and a Michael Buble CD.
He didn't call me the rest of the weekend. I was pretty surprised. I thought he'd at least text me. But by Tuesday, everything was back to normal...taking tests, then hanging out for hours at my apartment. We didn't talk about the kiss...but kissing started to become a frequent thing with us. It was pretty empty and shallow and downright meaningless. We loved spending time with each other, but we just didn't feel anything. I don't exactly remember when things started changing for me, or for him. Perhaps it was the fact that he was going out with other girls three times a week and I'd get jealous that it wasn't me.
Something started changing for Adam too. After one of his dates, he realized that it was me he wanted to be out with. He missed me on his date. He missed hanging out with me. I was laying in bed, when I got a text message from him that said "are you available for a hug." I hopped out of bed and went outside where he was waiting for me. We sat there on the porch and he held me and we just talked for a long time. I was so thrilled that he came to me after his date. He always made a big deal about my hugs and how holding me felt so good. It felt good to be hugging him too (plus, remember how good he always smelled).
After he left my apartment porch one night at 1:00 in the morning, we started to text. I was worried that he was going to take my texts the wrong way, so I called him and we talked. We started to talk about what had been happening over the last few weeks. In a very roundabout way I mentioned that I wasn't expecting to feel anything, he mentioned that he didn't want to hurt our friendship by getting feelings involved. I took that to mean that we were just friends. I was ok with that, very casual, but something stung inside me.
The next day I was at church and he showed up in the door way looking for me. I was surprised because we didn't have church at the same time or in the same building, yet there he was. I excused myself because it was obvious he was there for me. I don't even remember how long, or what we talked about but we talked. Later that evening he texted me and wanted to know if I wanted to go on a walk.
We met up at the BYU-I gardens and just sat on a bench. It was June 5th. It was raining. Adam started to ask me questions like "have I ever had a friend that became more than a friend," or "would I be willing to give up my semester in Russia," or an even more blunt, "If I were to write off my missionary, did I think I would spend the rest of my life wondering what would have happened if I'd waited for him." As we began to talk, Adam took my hand. I felt more charge and energy in him holding my hand than the hundreds of meaningless kisses we'd exchanged in the previous month. We couldn't seem to meet each others eyes. He walked me home, hand in hand. There was no kiss. The absence of kissing seemed to mean more than the kissing itself.
That Monday, there was a special meeting to announce the new president of BYU-Idaho, President Clark. Adam texted me asking if I wanted to go. As we left, he asked me out on our first official on purpose (haha) date, a Donny Osmond concert to be held in a couple weeks. I accepted.
On June 7th, Tuesday, we met up for devotional with Ben after lab class. I seem to remember there was some inconspicuous, innocent touching. A brush of my hair, leading me by the small of my back, etc. The speaker sat down and RIGHT before the closing prayer Adam said "Can I ask you a question? Do you want to be my girlfriend?"
First of all, it wasn't "Will you be my girlfriend..." it was "Do you WANT to be my girlfriend?" What a loaded question! After all, I was STILL faithfully writing to my missionary, telling him how much I loved and adored him...which I did. I didn't "want" to belong to anyone except my missionary. That being said I did "want" Adam to be mine. Does that make sense. I didn't want to say yes to Adam but I wanted to be his girlfriend. It was a very conflicting 5 seconds with many thousands of thoughts rushing through my head. "Ok" was my very non committal/committed response. Suddenly, the prayer was being said and I didn't know what had just happened. Right after the prayer, before anything could be said, Adam was rushing off to Idaho Falls to catch a plane to California for his brother Addison's graduation. I was left stunned at the very strange turn that had taken place. Adam would be back the next day after graduation and there would be time to talk later.
I should also mention that Ben didn't catch any of this. He remained fairly clueless with a small suspicion that SOMETHING might be going on between his lab partners, never knowing that behind the scenes, they were the best of friends, falling in love with each other.