Thursday, January 21, 2010

Little baby growing up.

***Warning*** This blog will be all over the place because my thoughts are all over the place.

I have friends that cry when their baby learns to crawl or walk or get teeth or learn to eat solid foods. I am not one of those people. I revel in every success Hannah experiences and I get excited when she learns new things. I am proud and happy--

However...(of course there was going to be a however)

...every 3 months when I have to go through her clothes and change sizes I fall apart. I get excited when she learns new things and gains independence on a week to week (sometimes day to day) basis but when I have to wash and pack away all those beautiful clothes that I've taken pictures in, watched her crawl in, and learn all those beautiful wonderful new things...I absolutely fall apart.

Of course Adam can't do it for me. He wouldn't even know the first place to start. I end up doing it all alone while Hannah is asleep or Adam is with her and it absolutely kills me. The last time I did it I also put away her bassinet and she moved into her own room.

I have decided there are a few reasons why it is hard.

1) The memories you have with those clothes, washing them, putting them away, thinking of your little baby wearing those clothes you grow to love them because they are a part of your baby.
2) Each time you do it you think...didn't I JUST do this? How did she grow so much so fast?
3) Not only that but you think about the FIRST time you did this. So overwhelming, wondering if there were enough little clothes to keep her warm, would she be comfortable, she was with me then inside me, growing and getting ready to come while I prepared her room and our home for her.
4) You aren't packing clothes because she doesn't like them. You are packing clothes because she will never again fit into those tiny outfits.
5) I know this is a stretch but I'm crazy...I think about when I was packing all my clothes to move away from home and how it didn't seem that long ago that my mom was helping me pick out clothes and doing my laundry and it doesn't seem far away.

So now that I had my little pitty party I decided to check Facebook while I waited for her new clothes to process through the laundry. My friend Johanna had posted "Julian will be a year old next week, I've been looking foward to this day since the day he was born! :)" How could she be so excited for his birthday? Her little baby was growing up! Well, Johanna's first baby died when he was only three months old.

That's when I decided to change my perspective. I want Hannah to grow up and get bigger. In fact I want her to be an old lady one day. Hard to imagine but I want her to continue to learn and grow big and talk and walk until she walks away from home and starts her own life because that's what life is all about.

Alright...I've ranted and I'm going to continue to put Hannah's things away. Tuck them away into our attic and move on to our next set of clothes which we will love just as much and be just as sad to pack away until our next baby girl comes along.

It doesn't help that it is raining outside.


Margie said...

You made me get all teary too!! I like both perspectivies of cherishing each day and looking forward to the future. They are both part of life. The big key is to enjoy the journey because life will go on no matter what. I am just super glad that you get to be home with Hannah each and everyday so that you wont have any regrets of missing out on this time. I still cherish my time with all of you at home. I do find a great deal of joy in watching you experience the joy of being a mother too. Ohhh...the circle of life!!

Stephanie said...

Awe! I cried when I put Ethan's clothes away for the first time and I think I got teary eyed the next time after that. Now, I get to get them all back out again and wash them for my new baby boy! After they turn a year old (in my case) they all of a sudden look small again I think it's because they stop growing at such a fast rate and you can enjoy each pair or clothes and each stage a little longer :) Hannah is so adorable!