Thursday, June 18, 2009

Random Thoughts

As I sit and wait for time to pass I try to contemplate the near future. I feel overwhelmingly blessed. It almost sounds like a negative emotion...to be overwhelmed is never something one invites into their lives but here I sit alone at home, a few precious hours where my life is my own.

I have never been one to revel in the stillness of alone time, although I do enjoy my space...I am more of a person who wants to be involved whether it be with one person or twenty. I find I become too melancholy when I'm alone, especially when I'm without Adam or my family.

I am thinking about my new home. I am thinking about the baby hanging out under my ribcage. I am thinking about my husband. I am thinking about school. I am done with every project but one for the summer II semester. In two weeks I'll start session III and be on my way to my final semester. I'll do all I can. I already feel stretched thin, thinking about my little baby at home with Addison while I finish my final semester at school. I've already shed tears, knowing that I would be leaving her. Knowing it was the best thing for her and for our family. If I postpone this last semester, she will know me better and better each passing month and be more aware of my leaving her.

This has been a random post and I will leave with one final thought...the other night in our birthing class they showed a video of a c-section. I didn't really want a c-section before and now I REALLY don't. First of all, they explained that a c-section baby has more fluid and toxicity in their lungs because when they are born naturally these toxins and fluids are squeezed from their little bodies (part of the miracle of birth). Aside from this, they don't lay the baby on your chest to clean and start the transition process. I know it sounds weird, but I really want that moment with my baby. I want her to know that I am there and that she isn't far from me. What a scary experience to leave your Father in Heaven and come to earth to be born. I watched this video and it almost made me cry. I wanted to hold this baby crying baby and tell him that everything was going to be okay. His dad was finally able to hold him and he stopped crying but when the nurses were doing their thing he was shaking and crying the saddest little cry in the world. Don't get me wrong, I want to hear my baby screaming when she is born. I don't think I'll feel completely at ease until I hear that crying baby but I want to be there.

Ultimately I put it in Gods hands and pray that whatever way she comes into the world she will be safe and healthy. I won't complain as long as she's safe and healthy...but I still would prefer not to have her via c section.

6 comments:

Bry and Meg said...

Hey I had BryLee emergency C-section she was breech and my water had already broke so they couldn't turn her. I went through 6 hours of contractions because I was planning on having her regular. I was fully dilated and the nurse came in to check me and said that she couldn't fill my babies head. So she had the on call doctor come in and check and he was so mad that they hadn't noticed that BryLee was breech. with in 20 mins of finding out that I was in for a c-section. It was very over whelming because you mentally prepare yourself for on thing and the complete opposite happened. Everything went well but you are right you only get to have your baby on your chest for 2 seconds while your arms are strapped down so I didnt even get to hold her, and than Bryan left with the nurses and BryLee so I was left alone for the whole post pregnancy stuff. Although it was overwhelming I am glad that the on call doctor was there and worked as quickly as he did to help my baby. I do think if I could have planned for a c-section it would have probably been alot better. I have Aunts and sister and laws who have scheduled c-sections and say they love it. Sorry I didn't want to scare you but I just wanted to tell you my lovely experience. I hope all is well for you when you deliver your baby. I am very excited for you. Its coming soon!!!

Bry and Meg said...

I wanted to tell you one thing before I posted but than I didn't get to it. This is Probably the longest comment you have ever recieved! Anyways. I just wanted to tell you that no matter what happens when you are there having your baby that you are so excited to see your baby. That you can do and would do anything to make sure your baby is born safe. So if even things don't go as you planned your edrenaline is so high, and your mind set is all about your baby. You will be able to do anything. So no worries you are going to do great!!!

Adam and Melissa said...

I think I remember that story! That is pretty infuriating, being fully dilated and everything! I am grateful that we do have the option, even though its not one that I'm anxious to have to go through. It was funny when I was reading your post I was picturing BryLee and it kind of freaked me out that one day in almost three years from now my baby is going to be a three year old...crazy I guess BryLee still has several months to go...but still. You are right, I should mentally prepare for both situations.

Brad and Stephanie said...

I know what you mean about the c-section. I have to say though I was jealous of my sister-in-law and Bree because they were in and out and poof there's the baby (or babies in Bree's case). I agree with your Meg person though, there is so much going on that you really don't care how they get here as long as the baby is safe. However just so you know, even if you have your baby "normal" you don't really hold he baby long right after because they have to clean out the babies air ways and stuff so they do a quick scrub and some sucking out and then wrap them up for you to hold for a bit. Ethan wasn't breathing regularly so they took him away anyway and had Brad go with them so I was left alone too. BUT, I am the one that held him and rocked him to sleep for the first time. You're just in a daze for the most part it will happen as it happens and everything will be just fine. :) Love you! I'm way excited for you!

Lilian said...

Your baby bonding will happen whether she's placed immediately on your chest or not. I went through all the labor with Russell, all the dilation and lots of pushing to no avail. Emergency C-section and he was out. Every one of my boys were delivered by c-section and even though I didn't have the opportunity to immediately hold them, their daddy did. Except for two of them, I was able to hold them within the hour of delivery.

Most importantly, it doesn't matter how they are born. It matters that they are healthy. You shouldn't need to worry. You are doing all the necessary steps to make sure she is. When it's time for the delivery it will be in the hands of the Lord. She'll be beautiful.

Marivic_Little GrumpyAngel said...

Try not to worry about it too much, Melissa. Everything will turn out just fine, no matter what. Natural birth is the best but if you end up with c-section it's not so tragic. Tara and AJ were c-section babies. And (knock on wood) they've been healthy children from the get go. And they grew up beautiful, smart and well-adjusted. The toxins didn't harm them too much apparently :-) They also laid them on my chest after birth so I could say Hi to them for a couple of moments, and then their Daddy was with them every step of the way after that. I don't know what you watched, but even though it's best to give birth naturally some groups who have agendas produce videos that are a little exaggerated against alternative ways. You probably heard the other major campaign for breast feeding as well. The best method of course, but if it just so happens that there are circumstances that prevent a mother from breastfeeding there's no reason to feel distraught. Her baby is not going to become an unhealthy future axe-murderer just because she wasn't breastfed :-)