Wednesday, June 24, 2009

My Motto~

Last November when I discovered I was pregnant many emotions began flooding my body (the main one being elation). In trying to cope with these feelings of happiness, anxiety, fear, joy, etc. I discovered a motto that I often look at to give me strength and courage.

I admit I didn't think I would become pregnant as quickly as I did. In my minds eye, I pictured myself getting pregnant around April or May. When it happened immediately I was fearful for the perfect picture I had painted. I figured I'd graduate in December and have the baby shortly after. When Heavenly Father had different plans I began to panic and had two "ahha" moments which have gotten me through and accepted the fact that I would be returning to my most intense semester yet three weeks after having my baby girl.

The first would be in early December when I experienced morning sickness. I don't like to sit around doing nothing, feeling worthless and that was all I could do. I even missed a final and crawled in to two others. I felt like I couldn't do the things I wanted to do and then one day I came across my Motto. It comes from Lewis Carol's "Through the Looking Glass," and it states: "Begin at the Beginning," the King said gravely, "And go until you come to the end and stop."
It was such a simple line but it spoke to me. It spoke of enduring to the end. It is a simple concept and I wrote it on my school binder so when things became difficult and I felt I could go no further I would remember how I began at the beginning and then I will come to the end and stop.

The second epiphany came in January. I had no idea how I was going to do Student Teaching and be a mom. I didn't know where she would go...I didn't want to put her in daycare, I couldn't think of any ward members that were in a position to take her...and all my friends were doing Student Teaching right along with me. I was at my cousin Jenny's baptism when all of a sudden I felt a strong feeling that everything would be ok. This overwhelming peace came over me and had faith that this feeling was true. Turns out my brother in law is going to be able to come and be a full time nanny for us while in his "off" semester, so she can stay at home with him and uncle Addison will care for her.

It was one of those moments where you continue from the beginning heading for the end and the Lord finds a way to bless you with an answer. I'm grateful for those moments.

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