The Joys of Impending Motherhood...warning: contains graphic content

Since my dear darling mother requested this post I thought I'd humor her and share in my lovely evening. Sunday night we were at a friends house for a birthday dinner in honor of my BIL Addison. It was a lovely LASAGNA (important later for visual images) dinner complete with salad and garlic bread, very delicious.

During the meal, the subject of pregnancy came up and my friends mother (who I was meeting for the first time) asked how the morning sickness was going. "Oh I've been feeling great," I assured her "I haven't thrown up in a week and a half." Later on in the meal, I started feeling a little funny. I'm not really used to the growing size of my child and I don't often take into account the small amount of room for food, therefore I eat probably more than I should. I waited for the last possible second and excused myself.

Not wanting to give myself away I concentrated all my energy on vomiting gracefully and quietly, a skill I mastered in the past but since beginning this beautiful journey have yet to apply. Because I was focusing so much on the noise level my other skills that I've mastered such as precision and accuracy were unfortunately abandoned. I don't know if it was due to the fact that I was a week and a half out of practice, or if it was just dumb luck, but suddenly I found myself in the throws of a projectile battle. Nothing was safe. Not the entire wall from the bottom up four feet, not the floor surrounding me, not any inch of the toilet, not my sweater or my shoes. Ok that was an exaggeration...what WAS safe was the toilet bowl. I crouched for a few moments, not shocked or surprised. Pondering to myself about the concept of irony. I've only ever thrown up at my house, my parents house, random gas stations, school, and basically in front of people who either love me enough to look past the vomit, or people I've never seen before and don't care about anyway. I've never done it at a friend or other family members house and I certainly have never done it quite like THAT. As a comfort I felt little squirmier moving around inside me as if to say "oops sorry about that Mommy."

Searching desperately for a way out, I turned only to the toilet paper and began moping up the mess. Meanwhile, my husband, friend, brother, and her mother are out there...probably wondering what I'm doing. It took me about seven minutes to clean the carnage and wash up. I removed my shoes and sweater and placed them in the foyer.

The best part was...(and you thought it couldn't get any better than all that) I was not alone in the bathroom. I was sharing it with my friends dogs who I previously withheld any friendship or affection for. They assisted greatly in the clean up process, if you know what I mean. I will be eternally grateful for my partners in crime.

I slipped back into the party like nothing had happened. Two hours later, Adam and I left. I quickly asked him if he could smell me. He asked what I was talking about. I asked if he could hear me in the bathroom. He was so confused. I told him the story and he was shocked. He never heard a sound or smelled vomit and I was off the hook.