Friday, September 9, 2011

Dear Paige,

I can't express my joy and gratitude that you are here. I couldn't imagine how my heart would open up to you, and love you as much as I do so quickly.

I can't help but wonder what you were feeling on Friday, September 2nd as you were entering into the world. Mommy and Daddy woke up very early to go to the hospital, although, that isn't very accurate since Mommy didn't really sleep. I couldn't contain my happiness that the long wait was over and you would finally join our family.

Mommy went in to Hannah's room and gave her a big hug and kiss as she slept, knowing that her life, as well as yours was about to change forever as you became sisters. I cried as I held her, saying goodbye to the simple life we shared together and welcoming a brand new adventure.

Mommy and Daddy got to the hospital at 4am, very early for two tired people! Daddy was very excited and kept joking with the nurses. I just wanted to be here. The nurse was very nice and started the IV right away, unfortunately, as soon as the IV was in, Mommy was suddenly very hot and dizzy. I almost threw up and I was kind of wigging out. I was afraid I was going to pass out. I still don't know what happened, because Mommy is not squeamish or afraid of needles. I couldn't have any water to drink so she brought me ice chips, which became my best friend through the day.

They decided to check me at 5:30. I was about a three or three and a half and you were in a great position. That is when they started me on the Pitocin. That first contraction was a very welcome feeling, knowing it would bring you closer to me. I was doing great with the contractions.

At 7:30 they switched nurses and I had nurse Melissa. She was seriously an angel. I could tell that she was not only very knowledgeable but kind and loving too. She was cheering me on. I was grateful that such a happy, positive person would be helping to bring you to me.

Nurse Melissa kept offering to get the anesthesiologist up to give me an epidural. I was handling the contractions very well and I wanted to hold out as long as I could, knowing that it might slow you down, and I wanted to feel that I was making progress in my body. About 10am I could tell that the contractions were getting stronger and longer and that if I held out TOO long I'd start feeling lots and lots of pain. So I asked for my epidural, knowing that it might take a while for Dr. Yay, (yes, the anesthesiologist's name was Dr. Yay)  to get here and administer the epidural. It did. He came about an hour later. At this point I was at 4 cm and ready for the medication.

This epidural was not as pleasant as it was with your sister. I was so terrified when I was getting one with Hannah but had such a great experience I wasn't even worried, however, it was very different. I wonder if it was because Dr. Yay kept telling me what I "might" experience like I "might" feel it hitting my nerves (I did) and I "might" feel lightheaded (I did). It felt great to get the epidural and I knew it was just a waiting game.

At one, Melissa came back. She checked me again and to everyone's disappointment I wasn't making any progress. She called Dr. Harter to see if she could break my water and he said he'd like to wait (she'd called him once before) still and see how the baby was doing. They started rolling me from side to side every 30 minutes because your heart rate was going down after each contraction. Melissa said the cord might be wrapped around your neck. This make me so scared. From the moment I knew you were inside me, I had a fear that I would not be able to carry you safely here. My heart hurt, wondering if you were tucked inside, in distress. The nurse left and Daddy could tell I was very scared. Although Melissa had been really reassuring that she felt everything would be ok I was still very tense. I asked Daddy for a blessing.

I don't remember much about the blessing but something stuck out in my mind strongly. Daddy said "know that Dr. Harter is an inspired man who will be guided to know what to do." Dr. Harter holds the priesthood like Daddy, and more than once between my two pregnancies I have felt Dr. Harter be inspired by the Holy Ghost and follow those promptings to bring my babies here safely. Just a few moments later it seemed, Melissa came in to say that Dr. Harter had called to give the order to break my water.

Baby P, you are going to be a swimmer. It seemed like the water would never stop coming. Even Melissa was surprised at just how much water you were swimming in! Once the water was broken I could feel the contractions getting stronger. That's right, my epidural was wearing off. I could tell that it was still there somewhat but I could feel my legs completely like normal. Melissa helped me push the button for more numbing and that helped for a little bit but about a half hour later I could feel it wearing off again! Meanwhile, she checked me pretty soon after and I was progressing fast! I went from my 4 to 10 in 45 minutes! She called the Dr. and he said 20 minutes.

So at this point I began to feel the need to push. I'd heard people talk about it but had never understood it. With every contraction your body was begging to come and I was laying on my side trying to keep you inside while we waited for Dr. Harter. Melissa kept saying "He's gotta make it, he's going to be here..." and I wanted to say "who cares if he's here I have to push!"

The nursing staff could hear him running down the hall so they allowed me to turn on my back. I had requested a mirror so I could watch you be born into the world. As soon as I saw your head I couldn't contain my emotions. I started crying, tuned everything else out in the world, and focused on getting you in my arms. In just three pushes you were in my arms (which was good, because that epidural wasn't doing me any favors). I thought instantly that you looked like your sister. You were your own beautiful person but I could tell you were ours. I was so emotional holding you and loving you. Daddy and I kept saying "LOOK AT HER TINY ARMS! LOOK AT HER TINY LEGS!" The nurses said "Ummm she's not that tiny" but at 7 pounds 13 oz and 20 inches long you were a half a pound lighter and two inches longer than your sister. You were a skinny little thing.

Paige, it has been just a week and already you have transformed our lives. We love you so much. Hannah loves kissing you and holding you. She also loves speaking for you "Paige wants her binkie," "Paige wants her bwankwet."

You've had several visitors. Katie and Jen Green came in the hospital and Chelsea, Kate Stahlie,  Jessica Duff, and Jen Lee came to see you when you came home. Your Doctor (Dr. Dani Prashant) said that you are absolutely perfect (and he's right). You are a great eater, and an even better sleeper (I have to wake you up to feed you during the night). You love being held and get annoyed when we put you down but you aren't a fussy baby.

We love you Paige. Thank you for being born.


Bea said...

what a beautiful little girl. :o) she is half growed :o)
She may have looked like Hannah when she was born, and I saw you in her, but now she is all Paige.
I think we will keep her. :o)
Welcome to our family and our world.

Stephanie said...

Oh sweet baby! Your labor story is similar to mine with Colin! I had the same thoughts about the pushing feeling. I couldn't believe that my body was just going to do it with or without my knowledge of what was going on. I couldn't stop him though... he came in two pushes so it really surprises me that they were able to get you turned over to stop it! I'm so glad she is perfect and healthy and that you are too! I wish I could cuddle her and smell her newborn smell. Love you!