Wednesday, November 11, 2009

Two Fifth Graders...

One is a writing sample from one of my students. The other is from my cousin Emily. One is typical 5th grade writing...the other is from my cousin Emily...who is apparently a 5th grade GENIUS.

Sample 1: 5th Grader from Batterman:

The candy Girl

"Mom; are you o.k., it looks like you can't breeth. This is about My mom choking on a peace of candy.

My mom was chooing on a sucker and she bit it to hard and it broke and slid down her throught and she couldn't breeth or talk. Right after that we went and got Joe to help us out so my mom could breeth but he couldn't so we had to call 911 and they came and got her to breeth by patting her chest pretty hard and she started to cof and it came right out and she could breeth.

finaly My mom through away the sucker Stick and she didn't feel good at all so she went to go throw up in the but she didn't make it So she threw up all over the flour in the hallway, bathrom and the titchen wich was realy groes.

This is from my cousin Emily:

Last night my pet hamster died because of old age. I was expecting it any day though. When I got Ted, my mom said that hamsters only last for about 1 to 2 years. Ted lived for 3 years excactly. That is a long time. You wouldn't think so, but to them, it is like 100 years. Well, I don't know how long it is to them, but that's what I would feel like if I were a hamster. Yet it was still shocking. It was my dad that found him dead. He said that he would look everyday to make sure he was breathing. He would shake the cage or something. Last night he kept shaking the cage, but Ted wouldn't move. Finally my dad touched him and he told me that he felt cold. I have told myself a long time ago that I wouldn't cry when he died. I didn't. I was actually surprised that I didn't. I would have if I found him dead. I am so glad that I didn't find him dead. I would have been crushed. Once my dad said that he was dead, I decided that it would be best for me not to look at him. My dad went to work and buried Ted out in a field. When Derek was 9, he buried his hamster in our backyard. He was young, so he didn't know any better. Today I thought my dad threw Ted away. What are you supposed to do with a hamster when it dies?

I don't know if you can tell the VAST difference in writing style, conventions, voice, organization, but it is pretty amazing for someone who is preparing a bunch of 5th graders for the writing proficiancy. Emily- you get an A!

1 comment:

Brad and Stephanie said...

She is so cute! However I have to say she reminds me of her cousin. You've always been able to write with style! Or at least you make me laugh... maybe that's not saying much. (wink)