Paige has my heart. Hannah does too, but I had forgotten those simple, sacred moments of communicating between a mother and small baby without words. Paige has a lot of words in her vocabulary, and uses them most of the time, but her primary form of communication comes from facial expressions, a certain look in her eye, and gestures. The other night, Adam was working on paperwork (which he does with headphones in so he isn't easily distracted) and I could hear Paige crying in her crib. It was about 11:00 at night and I was already in bed and pretty tired so I just took her wordlessly into my bed and we just stared at each other for a few minutes. She was so happy (even though she was pretty tired) to get those few one on one moments together. She loves to hold my hand, touch my face, and just be tender. I had the strangest thought while we were looking at each other, and it was: I wonder what her favorite color is. I feel like I know Hannah so well on a different level because of her ability to communicate and I feel in a lot of ways I'm just getting to know Paige as a person as she has started talking. She is such a tender little girl, I sure love her. I think she's having strange sleep transitions because she got up a few times this week. She is really good, she just needs a moment with her parents and then she'll go right back to sleep.
Hannah is an angel. I was thinking last night that it's a good thing we live in Las Vegas so that I have a chance to raise her, away from my parents--who she worships. Every morning (and sometimes in the middle of the night) she tries to sneak my ipod out of my room and Skype with my parents. She talks to my mom a few times a day, and the other night I found her snuggling with her dollhouse Grandma "Margie" and Grandpa "Tim." She loves them so much and I don't think they could be any closer if we lived next door! She's really into being helpful, even when it might not be so helpful. Today, I was making a dessert and she asked if she could help. I told her it was complicated and it would help me most if she went and played. She asked "how about if I just stand with you and talk so you don't get lonely?" It melted my heart and I did enjoy the company. The other day she said "Mommy, I'm so glad you are my Mother." Another heart melter. I am glad to be her Mommy too. She is a very loving person. She also said this week: "I don't want just two kids, I want four kids in our family!" Haha, be patient little girl.
I am reading a fascinating book for book club called "The Happiness Project." It's about a woman who spends a year of her life focusing on finding out what makes people happiest. She spends a ton of time researching so the book is full of research, plus personal responsibility. She cites the common phrase "Happy wife, happy life." She says it's a HUGE responsibility for her mood to affect her husband and two daughters. At times she wonders if her pursuit of her own happiness is selfish, but she says that she finds her happiness effects those around her. She comes up with many lists of things that bring Happiness and it has made me more cognitive of the things that make me happy. Here is my list:
Build a stronger marriage and constantly work to show love (1)
Be a loving, attentive, present mother (2)
Always rely on God; remember the sacrament prayer and always have the spirit with me
Focus on my connections. Make an effort at least once a week to let my friends know how much I appreciate them.
Appreciate and love my body for how it is, take care of my body.
Appreciate and love my mind. Nurture it.
Stop acting how you expect others expect you to act. Be true to yourself. Stop competing.
Make a real effort to call my siblings at least three times a week.
Spend less "down time" on the Internet and more time working on goals.
Those are just things that will help me focus on things that really matter.
Adam is a wonderfully patient man. Today, as I made some dessert I thought casually "My family is lucky to have me." Then I started to think of all the reasons why we are lucky to have Adam. Adam is very very slow to anger. There have been very few times in our marriage that he has actually gotten upset, even though I'm a lot to put up with. He is very helpful. He has never said no when I ask him to do the dishes, take out the trash, change a diaper, or put a girl in bed. In fact, I can probably count on one hand the times he has said no to me in our entire time together (nearly 8 years together now). He can be cynical and judgmental at times, but he is also very quick to "repent" when someone points out that those things can be hurtful. He is also very willing to see someone's side of an argument and takes time to listen and learn from others. I really appreciate these qualities, because I am much more prideful and I am grateful for his example.
Yesterday, we spent the whole day as a family. We went to shark reef, the Disney store, 5 Guys, and on a walk to a friends house. That is when I'm happiest. When it is just the four of us.